


buttercup {a.i. au}

by jellbells



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anna - Freeform, Ashton - Freeform, Community: asexual_fandom, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Loss of Virginity, Secrets, Sexy Ashton, Smut, Step-siblings, Sweet, Sweet Ashton, Sweet/Hot, abusive, i'm asexual so i'm bad at writing smut sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-05 09:38:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5370527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellbells/pseuds/jellbells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna is dating Dean because he holds one of her secrets. But what happens when his step-brother Ashton Irwin comes into play?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> this wasn't an ashton fic lol. it was just a story. but then i started imagining ashton's character (formerly rory) as ashton so it became that. i'm trying to improve my writing skills. this story was started about a year ago and i recently picked it back up. that being said, the smut isn't coming until later, but i'm also asexual and that makes it hard to write smut. i've always wanted to write it though. so this is my shitty attempt at doing just that. also i love 5sos and i am trash. 
> 
> love, jellbells

    There are certain things in life that are programmed into every teenager’s head. Such as, procrastination, irrational mood swings, fluctuating sexuality, and lets not forget complete lack of motivation.

  
   When we are teenagers, we want to grow up finally or be little kids again. But once we’re adults with regular 9 to 5 jobs, we revel in the pure awesomeness of teen-dom.

  
   We wish that we hadn’t wasted our childhoods on being lazy and avoiding social experiments. But when we are teenagers, we over think. Every. Single. Thing.

  
   Adults tell us that we need to focus on our future; that making good choices in school and getting good grades will ultimately lead to a more successful life.

  
   But I question, will it really? Will getting an A on that French quiz or a D on a math test really reflect on our level of creativity and raw intelligence? Will it dictate the rest of our lives?

  
   Discovery is the biggest part of high school but it’s hard to discover who you are when you have no idea how. I never went to the big parties; I never dated the boys I actually liked, or lost my virginity at some crazy party.

  
   My friend group was utterly boring, full of people I didn’t really like. I could have been classified as popular, but I was bored with those people. They included me in their friend group as long as I dated Dean.

  
   A boy who wanted me for my body and as arm candy. He didn’t actually like who I was or what I stood for. He knew things about me that I couldn’t let get out; therefore Dean said, “The punishment fits the crime, Anna.”


	2. ii

“Hey baby.” Dean wrapped his arm around my waist squeezing at the waistband to my velvet skirt.

  
“Hey.” I spoke softly, tucking some of my long brown hair behind my ear.

  
“Did you miss me?” He whispered in my ear, nibbling on it a bit.

  
“Of course.” I lied, trying to force myself into enjoying his breath on my neck. I had to enjoy it for my own sake, so I could convince myself that we were dating for an actual reason. He pinched my hips with his fingers a bit.

  
“You’re looking a little heavy.” I wanted to glare but decided against it.

  
“I’ll cut back.”

  
“So for our first date, I thought we could go to the movies. Then back to my house for a little fun.” He winked and pulled on my waist to take us to his friend group, causing me to stumble a bit in my Converse.

  
“Okay.”

  
“Don’t wear those shoes again.” Only the first week of our relationship and he was already controlling. How long was this supposed to last again?

  
“I won’t.”

  
“Hey Dean, how are you doing?” Dean’s friend Jude slapped him on the back heartily, still laughing from something his girlfriend had said (most likely about me).

  
“I’m pretty good, dude.” He pulled me in front of him so he could rest his pointy chin in the crook of my neck.

  
“Anna.” Jude nodded, obviously not liking that I was being included in their ‘group’. I just nodded back, resting my hands atop Dean’s, leaning into his disgraceful touch. Dean and his friends talked animatedly, laughing at every joke cracked, listening to every story told.

  
“Dean, I need to get back home.”

  
“One second.” I tapped my foot anxiously.

  
“Just let go.” I pulled myself from his grip, beginning the long walk home.

  
“Anna, don’t walk away from me.” Dean caught up with me and conversation had been completely killed in the group of teenagers leaning by the Wall, a large graffitied brick wall that crumbled daily.

  
“I needed to go home and you were ignoring me.” I was still walking, hoping that eventually we would be out of earshot.

  
“Let me drive you.” He actually seemed apologetic.

  
“Thank you.”

  
The car ride was a rush, and as soon as we arrived at my house, Dean unbuckled my belt and pulled me across the car to his side. Trying not to flash him, I begrudgingly sat on his lap uncomfortably. He pulled my head down and our lips met in the middle.

  
Letting him kiss me, I began to open the driver’s door.

  
“Do you have to go?”

  
“Yes.” He caressed my face with one hand while his other hand graced my waist, squeezing a bit.

  
“I’ll see you tomorrow at the movie theater, yeah?”

  
“Yeah.” I kissed him on the cheek before running up the stone steps to my family’s housing unit. I knocked on the door swiftly before entering, just to notify my parents that I was home.

  
“Anna?”

  
“Yeah, mom.” Entering the living room, my mother was on the couch, her oxygen tank hissing like usual. I sat on the vinyl couch and stroked her back.

  
“I missed you.”

  
“I was only gone for a couple hours. Is dad home?”

  
“No, he got a call.” She squeezed my hand and I stood in anger.

  
“He needs to retire.” I paced into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of milk, some saltines and her pills before returning to the living room and placing the food items in her tremoring hands. She swallowed the pills before slowly falling asleep so I could leave her in the living room.

  
Throwing myself on the bed, I rubbed my eyes, smearing my makeup around. Sighing, I quickly fell asleep and could only dream of the day of my death.


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: assault/rape

    Dean picked me up the next day to go to the movies. He held my hand the whole way there and all the way until the concession stand.

  
    “Gotta take a leak. Be right back.” He kissed me on the cheek before going to the empty restroom.

  
    The theater was empty save some workers and a babysitter making out with her boyfriend while the kids sat on the floor. Scoffing at their PDA, I ordered a Coke from the worker.

  
    “You’re dating Dean.” He spoke suddenly, giving me my change back. He had a slightly nasal, Australian accent.

  
    “I don’t see how that is any of your business.”

  
    “He’s my stepbrother.” He spoke matter-of-factly.

  
    “Then I guess, I’ll see you later.” He nodded and put in one of the headphones that had been dangling from his grubby shirt collar. Just then, Dean exited the bathroom, waved at the boy behind the counter before we went in.  
  
    “That was pretty good.”

  
    “I guess.” I agreed with Dean but the movie had been horrendous. There was no plot, no developed characters, it was all explosions and gun fights.

  
    “My place?”

  
    “Sure.” I shrugged, knowing I didn’t really have a real choice. Climbing into his new truck, I threw the Coke in a nearby trashcan, realizing that I had drunk most of it in anxiety.

  
    Dean’s apartment was nice. He had moved out of his parent’s basement after senior year with his stepbrother apparently.

  
    “You live with your brother?”

  
    “Yeah. You met him at the movie theater right? He’ll be back later.” He slammed the car door shut and walked over to me, a predator stalking his prey. He trapped me against his truck with his legs, cupping my face and breathing on my lips.

  
    The sun had begun to set, throwing an orangey-pink shade along the side of the car, setting Dean’s hair aglow with the backlighting. He was an attractive guy with a perfectly sculpted jawline and striking blue eyes but they only masked the darkness that he held within himself.

  
    “Do you want to go inside?” I asked shakily, hoping that he would just let me sit on his couch and watch television or read a book.

  
    “Sure.” He spoke reluctantly, dropping his hands from my face and dragging me up the flights of stairs by my arm. Once inside, his insatiable libido took over and his lips smashed against mine as if they were fighting. I resisted the heat easily, allowing my mind to wander to my responsibilities. My body relaxed and I let Dean guide me to his couch as I occupied myself with what I was going to make for dinner the next night.

  
    “Fuck, you’re hot.” He spoke, trailing kisses down my neck, his hands swarming my frame like a hive of bees. My hands instinctually went up to the base of his neck and his hair. I played along, gasping at the right times, giggling at the right times. I had become a laugh track to a 90s sitcom and I hated myself for it. He began to slide down my body, peppering kisses along my skin and through my clothing and panic began to rise in my throat.

  
    “Can I get a glass of water?” I stammered through the panic, trying to push myself up from his looming figure.

  
    “No.” He pressed himself between my legs his arms hooked under my armpits. My arms were slowly losing feeling and violent waves of panic began to crash against me.

  
    “What are you doing, Dean?”

  
    “I can’t control myself anymore, baby. I have to have you.” I wriggled beneath him, twisting myself out of his grip and shoving back on his shoulders with my arms. My arms buckled beneath his weight and I tried slapping him away, kicking at anything my legs could reach, at one point I thought I had struck his kidney but he did not fall away.  Whimpers of fear permeated the silent abode, my heart pounding so fiercely that I did not doubt that Dean could hear its erratic beat.

  
    The jingle of his belt buckle was what struck untainted fear in my heart. That tinny, metallic clank of an accessory, forced a scream from my throat, ripping through my body and then through the air. His grubby fingers pulled at my shirt, ripping it from my torso, the collar and sleeves pressing painfully against my flesh. Twisting and contorting myself away from Dean, my foot came up straight into his stomach and he keeled on top of me, his lungs void of oxygen. His heavy body pinned me against the brown couch cushions, effectively trapping me.

  
    The rattle of a deadbolt was like the song of an Angel, crying down from Heaven. Dean did not hear the bolt unlocking and continued to sloppily push his khakis down to his knees, then down to his ankles, then down to the floor.

  
    “What the hell, man?” A literal weight was lifted from my chest as a male person yanked him from me. After hearing punches fall, I felt gentler hands crook beneath my upper back and knees. My eyes adjusted to the light that gleamed from the front doorway, and his face became unobscured. Dean’s stepbrother, gazed down at me, concern resting in the furrow of his eyebrows and forehead. The blinding yellow light from the doorway illuminated his soft, tan face, and claimed the other half with shadows.

  
    “Thank you.”

  
    “Where is somewhere safe that I can take you?”

  
    “Home.” He nodded and set me down on my feet, passing me a flannel button-down. He drove me home, and parked in front of the house, unlocking the doors.

  
    “Thank you.” I whispered.

  
    “You’re welcome, Anna.”

  
    “What is your name?” He chuckled at my question.  

   
    “Ashton.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ashtonnnnnnjalsdfkjas;kfj;adlk


	4. iv

    Dean came to my house a few days later after I ignored all his attempts to contact me. I couldn’t avoid him and by any means he was doing me a huge favor not divulging all of my secrets to the town. Despite the fact that he was certifiably insane as he had tried to force me into sex before being forcibly removed. It hadn’t really quite sunk in that Dean had tried to… rape me. As much as I hated using that word, it didn’t seem appropriate. I never said no. I never said stop. I let it happen. I supposed it was my fault anyhow.

  
    “Can we talk?” He looked borderline adorable, but I couldn’t help but see anger just on the brink of erupting. He was clearly frustrated that I had been ignoring him as this was a distinct breach in our relationship. I widened the door just enough for him to pass through. We settled on the forest green corduroy couch just up the short flight of stairs by the Christmas tree. He shed his worn letterman jacket from high school and sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees. His eyebrows were knitted together as if he felt… remorse for what had happened. Or perhaps regret that it pushed me away. As I sat, he pulled me toward him, taking my small hands in his.

  
    “I’m so sorry, Anna. I don’t know what came over me.” He practically whispered, trying to press his forehead against mine. I let him. He was so sincere. I could feel the tenderness in his touch his soft hands rubbing against mine.

  
    “It’s okay, Dean. I understand.” He breathed out heavily and one hand went up immediately to grasp the back of my neck.

  
    “Thank god.” He jerked me closer, his mouth closing over mine. Gently probing my mouth open with his tongue, he lifted my legs so they were over his lap and pulled me as close as it was possible. His tongue passed a little further into my mouth than I had been expecting. The kiss ended with a relieved breath on my part, thankful that I could breathe again and also worried that my father could walk in at any time.

  
    “You should go before my dad gets home.” His grip tightened around my neck.

  
    “I don’t think that your father would have any trouble with me being here, now would he?” A glint of betrayal flashed through Dean’s eyes and I wised up.

  
    “I suppose not. But I would actually prefer going to your house.” I trailed my hand along my chest, hoping my request would work so I wouldn’t have to subject my father to this.

  
    “I like that plan.”

 

  
  
    “I gotta run out and grab some smokes. I’ll be back in a few. Don’t worry about Ashton. He’ll leave you alone.” Dean stood up, pulled his shirt on and grabbing his keys from the bedside table he placed a lingering kiss on my lips. I pulled my own shirt on when he had finally left but it all felt uncomfortable. I felt tainted and disconcerted.

  
    After ten minutes, Dean still hadn’t returned and I wandered outside of his room to the living room. The TV permeated the air softly, wafting through the balmy room. Ashton was sitting on the floor, propped up against their couch with a box between his legs.

  
    “Hi.” I spoke quietly, but just enough to get Ashton’s attention. His head swiveled immediately and his face immediately hardened.

  
    “Why are you here?”

  
    “I’m dating your brother.” He stared incredulously.

  
    “What the hell? Why haven’t you dumped his sorry ass?” It was my turn to stare incredulously.

  
    “Why would I?” Ashton fumed, his nostrils flaring and his fists clenching. He stood up in a rush, hands falling to his sides.

  
    “Why the fuck wouldn’t you? He tried to fucking rape you, Anna.” He had approached me by now, his scent crashed over me heavily. His musky scent of mint and masculinity infected my bloodstream and I could practically feel my knees buckling at the sense.

  
    “He didn’t. It was a mistake.” I defended pathetically.

  
    “He was holding you down. I had to beat him to keep him away from you. That’s more than a fucking mistake.” He grabbed my biceps gently.

  
    “I— just. S-s-s-top. I can’t—” I blubbered, realizing that hot tears had now dripped on my cheeks.

  
    “No. Anna, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please stop crying.” His thumbs were wiping the tears away and he had pulled me closer, his scent now enveloping me further. My glassy eyes gazed up into his.

  
    Suddenly his head dipped down and ensnared my lips within his own. His closed mouth moved over mine before coaxing my mouth open, barely allowing his tongue to explore my mouth. It was like I had never kissed anybody else before him. He tasted ineffably sweet and soft. I wasn’t numb anymore. Shocks and sparks exploded in my body, my lungs burning with desire. I couldn’t stand how intensely his searing kiss made me feel. It was unbearable, but the kiss ended too soon with the jingle of Dean’s keys in the deadbolt.

  
    I reached up quickly and wiped my lip gloss from Ashton’s lips. My tongue darted out to spread what little gloss I had left over my lips. His lips were swollen and pink and I could imagine that mine looked the same.

  
    Turning I faced Dean, sure we would be caught. But he didn’t notice. He pulled me to his room and we kissed for a while. But even with Ashton’s traces all wiped away, all I could taste was him.  
  



	5. v

    Ashton had been avoiding me since the kiss. Never mind the fact that I had been at their apartment almost every day since it had happened. I didn’t understand why he had kissed me like that and then think that I wouldn’t want to talk about it. And the things he said to me still lingered like a burn.

  
    Dean did almost hurt me, but he apologized for it. So it was all fine.

  
    “Anna?” I heard my father from the bathroom. He hadn’t had any emergency plumbing jobs in a few days and I could tell he was going stir-crazy. He was trying to come up with some new complicated way to make the toilet use water more efficiently.

  
    “What’s up, dad?” I hopped up onto the counter by the sink.

  
    “I just wanted to talk to you for a minute.” Groaning internally, I knew we were about to have the conversation I dreaded more than anything. I didn’t want him to thank me or tell me that he appreciated me.

  
    “I appreciate you a lot, Anna.” I rolled my eyes.

  
    “I know, dad.”

  
    “Thank you for keeping my secret,” He all but whispered, “I can’t imagine what your mother would say, or how the town would react.”

  
    “That’s what you get for living in such a damn small town.” He furrowed his brow in frustration at my comment, but I knew that he knew that I was right. It was his fault, and even though I had forgiven him, I knew it would kill mom. Not to mention all of the stares and judgment he would receive if I wasn’t the best goddamned daughter in the world.

  
    “I mean it, Anna. Take my words seriously for once.” It was my turn to furrow my brows.

  
    “I always take your words seriously. Otherwise everyone would know.” I spat venomously, and slammed the bathroom door behind me, leaving the bathroom full of tools.

  
    I needed someone to talk to. I certainly couldn’t talk to mom and all of my friends had left town to go to college.

  
    Ashton was my only option.

  
    His apartment was only a five minute bus ride. I opted for a thirty minute walk.

  
    When I noticed that Dean’s truck was missing from the parking lot, a tangible weight lifted from my chest. He wasn’t here. I was free to talk to Ashton. I pounded on the door almost frantically, afraid that nobody would be home.

  
    The door swung open and Ashton stood there shirtless, as I basked in the glow of his taut, tanned chest. My mind was reeling, not from his appearance, but from my father.

  
    “What’s going on, Anna? Are you okay?” His long fingers immediately wrapped around my biceps, thumbs rubbing minuscule circles against my material-covered flesh.

  
    “I’m fine. I just need a ride.” Immediately, I regretted running to Ashton.

  
    “Are you sure?” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms. My body flushed and I pulled away from him.

  
    “Yeah. Please I just need a ride.” I looked down at my scuffed boots, regretting everything.

  
    “Um. Yeah,” He looked around, searching for something and finally grabbing his keys from the kitchen counter. There were several more boxes now in the living room, but none of them had very many things in them and only one had been taped up. He had pulled on a shirt quickly and was swinging the keys around his index finger, “Ready?” I nodded.

  
    The drive was fast and quiet. I didn’t mind the silence as it was a comfortable one.  The house we pulled up to was in poor shape with peeling paint and a few missing window panes.

  
    “Is this the right house?” Ashton questioned.

  
    “Yes.”

  
    “Do you need a ride home?”

  
    “I don’t think so.”

  
    “Well call me, eh, if you do.” He smiled at me, his calloused hand landing gently on my bare knee. I glanced down to his fingers then back up to him. His minty, masculine scent once again invading my senses delectably. I couldn’t bear it. We each raced forward, our mouths meeting frantically in the middle, ensnared in a calescent kiss. He was just as gentle as the first time, but almost exponentially more passionate. I gripped at his shirt frenetically, pulling him closer wishing the moment could have lasted forever.

  
    I pulled back, Dean’s face flooding my brain, realizing that if he caught any whiff of this, he would tell everyone about my father, and he would probably hurt Ashton.

  
    “We can’t.”

  
    “Why not?” Our foreheads were pressed together and his large hand was keeping me close from the nape of my neck.

  
    “Dean would kill us. And I owe him.”

  
    “Owe him?” Ashton spat.

  
    “He’s keeping a big secret for me, and for that I owe him the world.” Ashton’s face was slowly becoming distant from mine and I could see his disappointment and disgust.

  
    “You don’t owe him shit.” He exclaimed.

  
    “You don't understand this, Ashton. You don’t understand what I have to hide.” He just wanted me. He didn’t actually care, he just wanted what he couldn’t have.

  
    “No I don’t! Because you won’t tell me.”

  
    “I can’t tell you! Dean and my father are the only ones in the entire world who know what’s going on.” I could feel tears escaping from the corners of my eyes.

  
    “Are you in trouble?” He faked concern.

  
    “No. I need to go.” I hopped out of his car and slammed the door behind me, running up to the decrepit house. I could hear Ashton crying out my name, but I ignored my name and waited for the door open, listening to his engine turning over and the tires peeling away from the pavement.

  
    The door opened. I smiled.

  
    “Come in. Who dropped you off?”

  
    “Just my boyfriend’s brother. Step. Stepbrother.”

  
    “Do you want some tea?”

  
    “Sure.” I sat on the decaying, floral couch.

  
    “I’m really glad we could talk today.”

  
    “Me too,” An intense pause filled the room, “Have you thought more about my offer?” I asked, dying to know the answer.

  
    “Yeah. I can’t accept.”

  
    “Why not? I’m moving out of town next year and you could come with me!” I couldn’t believe it. This was a perfect situation.

  
    “I don’t want any charity.”

  
    “This isn’t charity. This is your family reaching out to you and trying to help.”

  
    “We barely know each other.”

  
    “You’re my sister. I would do anything for my sister.” Claire looked up at me. I knew she couldn’t stand living with her mother. I knew she wanted to leave, I could see it in her eyes. I just wanted to help.

  
    “We’re just half-sisters.”

  
    “So? Just because my bastard father had a child with someone else, doesn’t mean that you’re any less than my family.” Claire shot me a sad smile and gripped her hot mug.

  
    “Thank you. But I think it does.” I shook my head.

  
    “Please move in with me.”

  
    “It’s okay. I’ll figure something out.” She grabbed my hand and somehow it felt like she would.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwww claire. poor baby. she'll be fine hopefully. also her dad is an asshole tbh.


	6. vi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: smutty smutty smut SMUT. srs only read if 18+ i mean that ain’t gonna stop any of you i just feel obligated to say so. also “ashton’s moans 2” from dirtylittle on soundcloud inspired this chapter lol. 
> 
> i feel like a bad asexual for writing so much smut lately.

    I hated staying at Dean’s. Dean wasn’t cruel anymore. He felt very secure. But Ashton was a different story. He was distant and cold. He was mad at me for no reason. He hated me, I was sure of it.

  
    Any reason that he saw that we could be together was negligible. He was almost four years older than me, he skipped around quite a bit, and he was Dean’s brother. I couldn’t risk my father’s secret slipping out. Nobody could know about Claire. She would be harassed and my mother wouldn’t be able to handle knowing the results of dad’s infidelity. I was disgusted with him. I was disgusted with myself.

  
    A strangled groan vibrated in my ears. My ears perked up, the hairs on the back of my neck standing straight up. It was 2 am and I was almost sure that Ashton had gone to bed at 11 when I heard his loud snores through the wall. It wasn’t Dean, he was passed out cold. I pulled my legs closer to my chest, resting my face on my clothed knees. Another muted groan.

  
    “Fuck.” It was gentle. I leaned over to look at Dean, thinking he was probably talking in his sleep, but a much louder, more tortured ‘fuck’ came through the wall that was shared with Ashton’s room. More corybantic groans came from the wall, it sounded like Ashton was in pain.

  
    “Oh my god…” My heart began to race, and I checked to make sure that it wasn’t Dean talking once more. I felt as if I was going insane, hearing Ashton groaning and panting. There wasn’t a moment where it clicked in my brain what he was doing at 2 am in his room, but I knew.

  
    My eyes fluttered shut, I could hear Ashton through the paper thin walls and it was like his angelic voice was directly in my ears. Heavy breathing, his elbow bumping rhythmically against the wall, animalistic, guttural moans.

  
    “So close…” He muttered to himself and I suddenly felt wrong for listening. Like I was intruding on something so personal and sensual that I wasn’t allowed to hear. He couldn’t have been expecting that I was listening.

  
    His moans became higher pitched and I realized that almost five minutes had passed of me sitting, my ear pressed to the wall. Ashton’s elbow now hit the wall so quickly and poignantly I could sense him nearing his end. His breathing was so audible and so quick. My eyes were shut closed so tightly and my mind swimming with arousal that I thought I was hallucinating when I heard him groan a name. My name.

  
    “Fuck, Anna. Oh yeah.” He slowed and finally stopped. My eyes snapped open. I looked down and saw that my pants bore an enormous wet stain at the crotch.

  
    “Shit.” I whispered. I stood abruptly and quietly and left Dean’s room to the bathroom across the hall. I pulled my pants down, leaving my underwear on, unsure if it would stain or not. I had never experienced that kind of visceral reaction to Dean or my two other previous boyfriends. Not that I had liked any of them in any capacity anyway.

  
    I heard Ashton’s door open and my heart leapt into my throat. I dropped my pants, kicking them into the corner and flushing the toilet, I splashed some cold water on my face. I felt disgusted with myself, but not with Ashton.

  
    Opening the bathroom door nearly silently, I stepped out, my legs immediately becoming cold and covered in goosebumps. I stepped further and looked only at Dean’s door. A creak came. I turned back. Ashton stood there, only in boxers, face void of emotion. I smiled insincerely and slammed Dean’s door behind me after I entered.

  
    I fell asleep, knowing how ridiculous it was how Ashton had made me feel even just for a few minutes. He was Dean’s brother and I had to protect my family.

  
    “Good morning, babe.” Dean drug his finger gently across my cheekbone and jawline. He kissed me on my forehead.

  
    “Mm.” I replied.

  
    “Ashton made us breakfast. Get up.” He slapped my ass gently and tugged me up by my hands as I offered them. I realized that I didn’t have any pants on.

  
    “You look good without any pants on.” Dean smirked and leaned in, kissing me.

  
    “I don’t remember where I put them last night. I think I might have sleepwalked.” I lied quickly, remembering that I had left them in the bathroom. I had no reason to have left them in there.

  
    “You can have some of mine.” He passed me some sweatpants. I thanked him and watched him leave. I slid the too-large pants on before slowly edging my way out to find Ashton alone in the kitchen.

  
    “Dean had to leave for work.”

  
    “Don’t you also have work?” I sneered, knowing that I was only frustrated because of his 2 a.m. romp with himself. He smirked coldly.

  
    “Yes but not until six.” He passed me a plate of waffles. I picked one up with my bare hands and bit into it. Delicious. I ate the whole thing in two minutes flat.

  
    “What? What do you want?” He had been staring at me since I had come out.

  
    “I found something of yours in the bathroom.” He admitted. I was confused for a moment, but it quickly became clear to me what he meant when he held a pair of grey yoga pants in his hands.

  
    “Can I please have them back?” I reached for them, a blush blazing across my face savagely. He jerked his hand back.

  
    “What were these doing in the bathroom?” He had edged around the island to the barstool where I sat, approaching almost predatorily but the only thing I was afraid of was him noticing that another wet stain was growing.

  
    “I got hot.” I sputtered.

  
    “But you could have just left them in Dean’s room.” His arms trapped my body against the counter, the pants just within my reach. I grabbed them.

  
    “But I didn’t. It was late. Does it matter what I did at 2 a.m.?” He pulled the pants from my hands again.

  
    “Yes. When I cause this to you, it matters what you did.” He pointed at the still wet crotch. I cringed, morbidly embarrassed that they hadn’t dried overnight.

  
    “You didn’t do that. How could you have done that?” I tried to lie, but I knew he knew better. He leaned in incrementally, his curly bedhead covering one eye.

  
    “You were listening to me, weren’t you, princess?” His knee came up between my legs, pushing the crotch of Dean’s sweatpants into my core. I shook my head furiously, “Don’t lie to me, baby.” He pressed his knee against me and I audibly gasped, unable to contain my moan. I couldn’t come to my senses.

  
    “Now tell me the truth, I did this to you, didn’t I?” He was now a few inches away from my face and his knee had been replaced by the pads of his calloused fingers, which began to gently rub against me through Dean’s sweatpants. Dean. Who was Dean? All I could see and feel was Ashton.

  
    I nodded abashedly, savoring the feeling of him being close to me which I would surely lose in a moment. His hand slithered up to the waistband of my pants and down to the elastic of my underwear.

  
    “Can I touch you here, baby?”

  
    “Yeah.” My voice so gentle that it was barely audible. I was unsure how I was still speaking and was so flustered that I was afraid I would throw up the waffle he had just fed me. His hand slipped below the elastic and suddenly his fingers were on me, stimulating me, sparking me alight. I had never felt like this before. My worries were gone. All I could think about was Ashton’s adept fingers on me, his free hand tangling itself in my messy hair.

  
    “So wet,” A sharp inhale of breath, “All for me, right, buttercup?” I nodded, biting my lip to the point of drawing blood inside my mouth. A growl came from the back of his throat as he slid his middle digit inside of me. I clung to the back of his shirt, riding his finger, desperate for some kind of movement, but he remained still.

  
    “Please.” I managed to squeak out.

  
    “No. I’m going to make you wait,” He slid his finger out of me as much as I tried to stop him from doing so. His finger came up to his mouth and he put the digit in his mouth, “Mm.” He moaned. He draped my yoga pants across my lap, took a waffle and sauntered away cockily, leaving me drenched on a bar stool, unable to move.

  
    “What a dick.”  



	7. vii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smutttttttttt
> 
> yep that's it
> 
> hope you like it :)

    I couldn’t move from the stool for what felt like an eternity and a half. My body was on fire and all I could do was just sit there while my body blazed. All I wanted was for Ashton to touch me like that forever. That was all I wanted. But Dean would kill him. And probably me.

  
    My body was enveloped in utter pleasure consistently since Ashton had touched me like that. I had never allowed someone to touch me so intimately, as I was always scared of pain, physical and emotional. But Ashton didn’t scare me, I wanted his hands to always be on me, in any capacity.

  
    As the days passed between me seeing him, my dreams became increasingly less vivid. All I could imagine was us entwined, each of us coming undone one after the other over and over until it woke me up, sweating and exhausted.

  
    “Anna!” Dean snapped in my face.

  
    “Hm?”

  
    “Pay attention to Jude’s story.”

  
    “Sorry, guys!” I smiled sheepishly, but not really feeling that sorry. Ashton had invaded my mind and I couldn’t give two shits about Jude’s escapades with his new girlfriend, Apple. Who names their child Apple anyhow?

  
    “So she’s giving me head in the back row when this usher asshole flashes his flashlight at us and tells us to get the fuck out.” I sniggered and Dean pinched my side, causing a flinch.

  
    “You were the only ones in the theater right? Why did the fucker care so much?” Dean laughed.

  
    “I don’t know. He had a stick up his ass about something. I reported him.”

  
    “What was his name?” I asked, curious because Ashton might know him.

  
    “Ashton.”

  
    “Dude!” Dean laughed manically, “That’s my stepbrother.”

  
    “Oh my god, dude. I’m sorry.” Jude didn’t seem genuine.

  
    “Don’t worry about it, he’s a tool.” Fury flourished in my stomach at Dean badmouthing his stepbrother. Ashton surely wasn’t perfect but he had many fine qualities. Like he asked for my consent before touching me, unlike some asshole I was dating. But he promised to keep Claire a secret and if anything happened to her or dad, I couldn’t forgive myself. But I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to Dean.

  
    Jude and Dean said their goodbyes and I couldn’t help but wonder why both of them were still here. We graduated from high school three months ago. They each had enough money to afford college, unlike me. Which is why I was dating Dean. In exchange for keeping Claire a secret, I would date him until he felt that I was allowed to leave. Fucked up, I know. 

  
    But how did Ashton figure into this plan? Did he want me or was he simply jealous of Dean? But what could he be jealous of. I was certainly not something to be jealous of. I was ordinary. Utterly ordinary.

  
    “See you later, dude.” Jude said goodbye and Dean ushered me to his truck and we drove to his apartment. I hadn’t been home all night for so long. I hadn’t truly seen my mother in days. I hoped she was doing well.

  
    “I need to go home tomorrow.” I whispered hesitantly as Dean began to strip down.

  
    “Why?”

  
    “My mom is sick and my dad can’t take care of her like I can.”

  
    “Fine.” He obliged and kissed me, pulling my shirt from my head. He was a subpar kisser but I wasn’t about to tell him that. He kissed down my neck to my breasts and it took all I had to refrain from sighing out loud. I closed my eyes, and tried to imagine Ashton, but his fingers were too short and soft, like a lady’s. I reopened them and endured my punishment.

  
    By 2 a.m. Dean had passed out once again. I was so frustrated, sexually and emotionally. I hated Dean, I couldn’t handle his idiocy much longer. And I wasn’t about to give up my virginity to him so I would just jack him off and go to bed. After listening to Ashton through the wall I couldn’t stand the heat that seemed to radiate constantly between my legs. I imagined what he would feel like pressed up against my naked body, buried inside of me, making those noises in my ear. I realized that my hand had descended my body and was touching my overly sensitive core. I shuddered and made an audible moan. Dean didn’t move. I leaned over to make sure he was asleep.

  
    “Baby are you awake?” No response. It was safe. My hand slipped underneath my panties and rubbed my hot center. A moan escaped my mouth, I simply couldn’t help it. Dean stirred and I slapped my free hand over my mouth.

  
    I didn’t hear any noises from Ashton’s room or anywhere else in the apartment. Standing, I ran from Dean’s room into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I sat on the toilet seat soundlessly and resumed. I had never done this before, had never touched myself, had never thought that I could put a finger inside myself. I slid a finger into my hole, and an enthusiastic, loud, desperate moan escaped my mouth again. I began to move, pump in and out. My other hand going down to the upper part and swirling furiously. My mind immediately imagined that it was Ashton doing this to me.

  
    My body began to convulse and I should have been afraid that I was going to break the toilet, or wake Ashton or Dean up, but I was so absorbed in the intense feeling gathering in the pit of my stomach that I couldn’t have cared less.

  
    Everything felt weak, and all I could do was keep going, pumping quickly and the height of that feeling reached its climax and all I could say was,

  
    “Ashton… oh fuck.” My heart was racing fast enough to burst out of my ribcage and I had slumped against the tank of the toilet. I removed my finger and realized that my underwear were nearly completely ruined. I cleaned myself off and washed my hands, legs feeling like jelly, barely able to keep me up.

  
    I listened again for any kind of movement in the apartment and upon hearing none I opened the door to a huffing, flustered Ashton.

  
    “Hey.” I blushed, afraid that I had woken him up by all but screaming his name.

  
    “I’m going to kiss you now.” He lunged forward and ensnared my lips with his own. This kiss was nothing like what we had shared before, more passionate and fiendish than anything before. Our mouths hadn’t even opened but somehow I felt the most vulnerable and intimate with him than ever.

  
    Somehow our tongues ended up tangled together just as Ashton’s long fingers in my hair and mine in his. His thumb brushed my jawline and my hands went to slide up his back and sides, absorbing the heat of his muscles. Ashton suddenly jerked and began to laugh.

  
    “Stop it.” He said in between laughs.

  
    “What?” Utterly confused I pulled away.

  
    “I’m ticklish you can’t touch me like that.” He sobered up. A tense beat passed.

  
    “Why were you outside of the bathroom?” I asked, now suddenly curious.

  
    “I heard you in Dean’s room. And I was… concerned.  I thought you might be sick. I was about to knock on the door when I realized that you were definitely okay.” He smirked, his fingers tracing patterns on my hips. I stumbled forward a bit, falling against his chest as he tugged me by the panties.

  
    “Concerned, eh?” I slurred, throwing my arms around his neck, unsure where this crazy amount of confidence came from.

  
    “Turned on would actually be the right way of saying it.” I could feel him pressed against me, every single inch of him. I ground my hips against him and moaned softly in his ear.

  
    “Sounds good, feels good, buttercup…” He groaned back holding me as forcefully against him as he could without hurting me. His hand wandered to my ass, squeezed and snaked back up to my lower back. I kissed the shell of his ear, then his lobe then below his ear and wound my way up to the corner of his mouth before whispering,

  
    “Goodnight, Ashton.” Slipped from his grip and went back into Dean’s room, buzzing with arousal and excitement. I could barely fall asleep, and when I did, all I could think about was Ashton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be less smut in some upcoming chapters in the future sorry
> 
> but i really want this story to have an actual plot lol
> 
> so proud of myself at "sounds good, feels good, buttercup..." just the pride that i feel is amazing. it's an au and i was able to sneak in an album reference.


	8. viii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut warning
> 
> started this chapter at like 10 last night and wrote until two and then also just definitely spent five hours finishing this instead of writing one of my final papers and studying for my math final. #college amirite?
> 
> thanks for the 2 kudos! i love ao3 users.

Dean drove me home from his apartment the next morning. I was still hot and bothered from my encounter with Ashton the night before. He had a morning shift at the theater for some kid’s birthday party and I wanted desperately to have seen him.

Dean had aptly demonstrated how much he was going to miss me with his palms and fingers. 

The house smelled stale and musty, like the windows hadn’t been opened for several days. The Christmas tree was dying, molting its brown pine needles and scattering them on the floor like pathetic breadcrumbs. Mom was still in the same position on the couch how I had last seen her a few days prior.

“Mom.” I whispered, gently shaking her awake.

“Anna. I missed you.” She immediately wrapped her frail arms around me and I sunk into the corduroy couch. She smelled like mothballs and drugs, but I was used to that. She didn’t have the capacity to smell like herself. 

“How has dad been treating you?”

“Really well. He hired someone to take care of me when you’re gone.” I furrowed my brow, assuming that he would have done some of the work himself.

“He hasn’t been doing anything?”

“No, he has. He makes me dinner every night. Hot dinner.” She smiled feebly. I could tell that conversation was no longer something she could do without becoming completely exhausted. I held her in my arms and listened to her breathing.

“You’ve been at that Dean’s a lot lately.”

“I’m sorry, mom. He really likes spending time with me.” I partially lied. She still didn’t know about Claire and there was no way that I would be the one to spill the beans.

“I know. You’re better than him though, sweetheart.” My heart flipped in my chest.

“Mom that’s mean.” No matter if I believed her or not. I had to convince her that I liked Dean. 

“I’m serious, Anna.” She broke from my grip and stared me in the eye, holding my palm and rubbing circles.

“Ashton is perfect mom.” 

“Ashton? I thought it was Dean.” I tried not to look surprised. It had just slipped out.

“His middle name is Ashton. I call him that when I tease him.” I lied quickly. My lying had quickly become an addiction, or rather a necessity. 

“Oh.” She settled back into me.

“Don’t worry about me, mom.”

“He’ll want you back there soon won’t he?” It was like she could read my anxious mind. I knew Dean would want me back at his house by the next day at the latest.

“Yeah. Unfortunately, he likes monopolizing my time.”

“Well we’re here now. Let’s enjoy that.” She grinned at me, the smile reaching all the way up to her eyes and it was truly one of the most beautiful things I had seen her do in years. She had been sick for so long. And it was only a matter of time before the tumor killed her.

We fell asleep on the couch, her oxygen tank hissing obtrusively with every one of her difficult breaths. I wished I didn’t have to hear that sound anymore, but I knew it was a reality we both had to face. She was dying, and she couldn’t breathe without an oxygen supply.

I was able to clean the house, top to bottom, mow the overgrown lawn and spend time with my mom before I saw Dean’s car pull up to the curb. Pecking my mother on the cheek quickly, I braced myself for Dean’s brashness. Please be nice, was all I could think. As I opened the door to his truck, my breath caught in my throat at Ashton sitting in the driver’s seat, legs spread wide as his dimpled smile.

“Hey, buttercup.” I blushed.

“Where’s Dean?” His smile faltered a bit before responding.

“At work.”

“It’s six. Shouldn’t you be at work?” I asked after several minutes of silence on the drive back to his apartment. He grimaced.

“I got fired. Someone reported me for harassment.” I huffed, knowing it was all Jude’s fault because he couldn’t keep it in his pants for the duration of a two-hour movie.

“Do you know who it was?” I asked, trying to gauge whether or not I could tell him.

“Jude Graham. That little prick. I wouldn’t have cared what he was doing but I knew he was friends with Dean. I know you already knew.” He tacked on quickly and I flushed in embarrassment. 

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I just don’t like lying. Even by omission.” Said he. I felt Ashton’s hand on my jean-clad thigh and I allowed it, even knowing how dangerous it was, the concept of Dean finding out what had occurred between us. He squeezed my inner thigh and stroked up and down. I felt infinitely more comfortable with him than I ever had with any boys in the past. Granted, I hadn’t let any other boy touch me the way that Ashton had and then I had known them much better than I knew him.

Ashton pulled up to the apartment complex and shut the car off, pulling the key hastily from the ignition. He turned in his seat to look at me.

“Dean won’t be home for another two hours.” I arched my eyebrow at him, unsure if what he was insinuating was true or not. I still couldn’t believe that he even wanted to talk to me, let alone touch me. Dean was right, I did need to cut back anyhow. He cocked his head when I didn’t respond to his statement.

“I mean, we could watch a movie, or we could, I don’t know, fulfill another purpose? A void maybe?” He spoke teasingly, grazing his teeth across his bottom lip.

“Hm. I feel like that could definitely get us in trouble though, Ash.” Trailing a finger up his arm to place my hand flat on his jaw, I thought I imagined a growl come from the base of his throat.

“Not if we’re fast.” He smiled and clumsily exited the car, clearly excited for something. I giggled and slapped my hand over my mouth at the prospect of a giggle. Disgusting.

Ashton was nowhere to be found in the apartment though I was only thirty seconds behind him. Shutting the door, suddenly his body was pressed against mine, nearly crushed against the dead bolted door.

“Ash…” I moaned as one of his large hands came up to hold my breast. I had, luckily for him, neglected to wear a padded bra and he could feel my hardening nipples beneath the thin fabric of my t-shirt. I could feel every inch of him, blazing hot steel, grinding into my ass, frustrated groans emitting from his mouth.

“Babygirl, the things you do to me.” He kissed the crook of my neck with his soft, pink lips, the kisses slowly devolving into lusty, wet kisses. He was careful to not leave any love bites. 

He spun me around abruptly, iron arms immediately wrapping around my waist and pulling me up onto my toes, our lips barely brushed and I could smell the mint gum on his breath and his masculine scent. Lips approaching, closer and closer, only millimeters apart, my hands gripping his hair.

Unable to stand it any longer, our lips met in a fugue of passion and fire. We craned our necks to keep the fire hidden as if any oxygen would extinguish it. We were selfish with this fire and it burned throughout my body and I could feel his fire coursing into my body. I had never felt this before. There weren’t words to describe how I felt when I kissed Ashton.

Whatever sweetness, whatever gentleness remained was quickly thrown aside and passion took over. Passion caused me to remove Ashton’s shirt. I wanted to touch him forever, I wanted to please him, make him happy, make him come undone endlessly until he couldn’t bear the thought of ever having anyone else again. 

Stumbling towards the couch, he landed first and me straddling his lap, I began to work at the top button of his skinny jeans. He grabbed my wrists feebly.

“Are you sure?” His voice was shaky. I knew he wanted me to keep going just as I did. But I appreciated the recognition of consent. I nodded.

“Are you?” He nodded back. I continued to work on the zipper. Somehow the TV had been turned on and the sounds of Jeopardy permeated the tension filled room. Ashton slumped down in the couch, and I could feel his hot stare, burning into the top of my head as I kissed down his torso, each muscle clenching at the contact of my lips. I had never given anybody oral, but I knew what felt good. 

Ashton groaned, his hips rutting against my hand as I slid my small hands into his boxers. Pumping a few times, I bobbed my head down, licking his head hesitantly at first. Gaining some confidence my mouth encased his impossibly hard member, and I took as much of him as I could into my mouth, which was most of him. One hand gently took his balls and squeezed. He released an exceptionally loud growl, his hand instinctively entwining itself into my hair and cupping the back of my head.

“Fuck…” He moaned breathlessly, pants noisily exiting his mouth. I applied more suction and bobbed my head up and down, each time reaching a little further until I didn’t require any hands to compensate. 

“No one has ever been able to do that. Oh yeah.” He told me. He was bigger than Dean. By quite a bit and I was impressed to say the least. I guess I just had a big mouth.

“Please, buttercup.” He whined, nearly bucking his hips desperately. I had never seen him this vulnerable. He had always taken command anytime we touched. But he was so desperate to come and I held that power in my hands. Huge turn-on. 

“Please, please, please.” His voice had reached peak squeakiness. A smile threatened to spread across my face but I could feel him reaching his end and I couldn’t deprive him of that. His hand gripped painfully at my hair but I couldn’t have cared less when I was causing him this much pleasure just with my mouth.

An extended “fuck” was released from his mouth as he released in my mouth. Deep, breathy moans and a chorus of “Anna”s erupted from him as I swallowed what I could, knowing it would probably be rude of me to run to the bathroom to spit it out. It wasn’t nearly as as bad as I was expecting.

“How was that?” I pulled his boxers up again and smiled, sitting shoulder to shoulder to him on the couch.

“Fucking amazing, buttercup,” He spoke, pulling me in to kiss me. But I stopped him.

“You’re going to kiss me even after…” I trailed off, looking down at his lap.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Our mouths connected once more and again that beautiful fire ignited and I became selfish with it. When we broke apart, we didn’t speak for several minutes, staring at Jeopardy on the screen, hands entwined.

“You know, I’ve never come that quickly. Total out of body experience. Ten out of ten, would do again.” He confessed and I blushed.

“Can I please reciprocate, babygirl?” He all but begged, whispering in my ear, stroking my hair. I shook my head, embarrassed, knowing that he felt obligated rather than an actual desire. Things like these were more one sided. It was about me making him feel good, not reciprocation.

“I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything.” He visibly recoiled.

“That’s not it. I just want to make you feel the way I just did.” The TV still played Jeopardy and as I stared at the flashing pictures I could feel Ashton’s stare burning holes into the side of my head.

“It’s okay.” I breathed quietly.

“Has no one ever returned the favor for you?” Before I could stop myself, I was shaking my head. I had said too much. Done too much. He didn’t need all of my problems, all of my fuck-ups in his life.

“Why are you embarrassed?” I shrugged but mostly I was just afraid I would be a disappointment. I was sure he had been with plenty of girls as Dean had described previously. I was almost entirely positive he would regret any kind of contact with me. How was he still allowing me to touch him? How did he look at me and think, ‘I want to kiss her’? I stood unexpectedly.

“I’ll be in Dean’s room until he gets here.”

“Did I say something—”

“Thanks for the ride.” I interrupted, not wanting to be around him for another moment. He didn’t need me bringing him down, I needed to keep myself away from him. I needed to appreciate Dean and what he was doing for me by keeping Claire a secret. I couldn’t keep stringing Ashton along. He didn’t deserve it. 

I retreated to Dean’s room and paced the length anxiously, hoping that Ashton understood that we couldn’t keep doing anything that could get either of us in trouble.  
A knock came from the door and I assumed it was Dean.

“Yeah?” Ashton entered brashly, rushing over to where I stood and held my face in his hands, bodies pressed together as he breathed on me. My hands rested limply at my sides despite wanting to fist the back of his shirt in my fingers.

“I know that you’re probably scared of Dean finding out that I want you and what we’ve done. It’s ridiculous that you can’t be all mine but I understand. I want to show you how amazing a healthy relationship can be, and how much love and respect you deserve. But if you want me to stop, just tell me. If that’s really what you want, if you want me to stop touching you, stop talking to you, stop looking at you, I will. All you have to say is stop, and I’ll stop.” He didn’t take a breath through his speech nor did he break eye contact. I didn’t know how to respond. I didn't want him to stop. No, I did. My lips ached to taste his.

“Please.” I whimpered and his lips came crashing to mine. I couldn’t even focus on the fact that Dean could have walked in at any moment, but my hands roamed his muscular back up to the nape of his neck and his scalp. One of his hands remained on my face, and the other roamed down to the small of my back and the top of my butt. Our lips became an amalgam of the two of us, just as our souls.

We broke apart for only a few moments only to dive back into the abyss. I felt like I was going to throw up at all the things I was feeling. I had never felt like this before and I wanted nothing more than to experience this forever.

The kiss was cut off quickly when we heard Dean’s loud footsteps outside of the apartment and him dropping his keys. Ashton pulled back and caressed my lips with one thumb.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked quickly in a hushed voice. I shook my head.

“Don’t stop.” He pecked me on the lips again before running out of Dean’s room and shutting the door. I could hear Dean talking to Ashton and I quickly flopped down on Dean’s futon and laid down, pretending to sleep until I actually did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i lied about the no smut thing for a couple chapters i guess ahhaha
> 
> but in the future it will be more plot heavy and less blowjobby lol
> 
> also that "don't stop" reference haha i need to be stopped
> 
> ps i hate editing smut so if there are errors or if it's awkward plz excuse me


	9. ix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "braid of fingers" was taken from "let's get high and watch planet earth" by george watsky. i just love the imagery of that and i've yet to figure out a better way to describe what it feels like to see hands holding each other. so romantic :')
> 
> hope y'all like
> 
> here begins the less smut. any smut in the future will probably be more general with less detail cause idk my asexuality is really hitting me. in the future if i revise i might make it smuttier but i'm really not feeling it lol.

“You’re hired!” I heard my father talking to someone in the kitchen. I was unsure if he could afford to pay someone when his business didn’t even have a storefront and our finances were definitely tight. I was also unsure as for what purpose he would be hiring someone.

Dean had dropped me off as he had to work all night and he didn’t want me to be “trapped in the apartment with Ashton”. Unfortunately that was exactly what I wanted. But by the time we had left, Ashton was gone for the night as well.

Ascending the stairs, I walked straight into the adjoined dining room to see who was in the house.

“Ashton.” He turned, a bandanna wrapped around his forehead.

“How do you know Ashton?” My father asked suspiciously.

“He’s Dean’s—”

“Stepbrother.” He finished my sentence, emphasizing the ‘step’.

“Oh. Small world.” He joked and Ashton smiled politely at him in agreement.

“Small town.” I muttered, unsure how to react to Ashton meeting my father, who was the entire reason I could not be with him. Ashton didn’t know that though.

“So if you don’t mind, I’ll get started today?” As much as I wanted to know what the hell Ashton was doing at my house specifically, I didn’t interject, knowing the answer would come to me soon.

“That’s great, Ashton. The tools are in the shed.” Ashton thanked him and brushed by me, his right hand grazing my exposed thigh for a shred of a second, sending sparks and shivers through my body.

“Ashton is doing some things that your mom and I can’t handle anymore. Mowing the lawn, cleaning the roof, general house upkeep and cleaning.” Dad explained, knowing that I was curious. When I didn’t respond he asked me if it was a problem.

“No way. No. I just wasn’t expecting to see him here and at my boyfriend’s apartment.”

“Too much face time, eh?” He joked and bumped me with his elbow before retreating into the now destroyed guest bathroom.

“Just enough.” I whispered to no one.

Ashton came through the front door again as I was retreating to the den downstairs. I just smiled and kept walking down the stairs, unsure how to act around him now that we were going to be in such close proximity. He grinned mischievously back and we parted ways. I knew something would happen between us before he left, he was just biding his time. 

“Anna.” I heard him call from a few steps up from me. I turned and went back up the stairs, reaching the top, our bodies only a few inches away from each other.

“What’s up?” I whispered.

“This is going to be fun.” He pecked me on the lips and left, slamming the door behind him. My face flushed and my body felt like it was exploding.

 

The worst part of Ashton working for my father was that I never seemed to get anything done knowing that he was either inside or outside of the house. The best part was that Dean approved of Ashton giving me rides to and from home, which meant I spent a lot of the day with Ashton and a lot of time at home as well.

My room was overheated, dank and humid. I had been staring at Ashton doing yard work shirtless for a good hour, and I hadn’t even realized my discomfort. Removing my shirt, leaving me in my bra and shorts, I attempted to cool down with a glass of water and opened the window.

“Hey!” I heard a voice yell up to me. I looked down and saw Ashton wipe the sweat from his chest with is bandanna and retie it around his forehead. I leaned out the window, covering my chest with my arms.

“What?” I smirked.

“You’re coming over later right?” He said more quietly, his words not quite echoing down the street. 

“To see Dean, yes.” I teased. I could see a vein flare up in his forehead and neck.

“Do you need a ride?” He all but growled.

“Yes, please.” I smiled and receded back into my room, just imagining Ashton’s rage.

I packed my backpack and waited for Ashton to finish up. Anxiety coursed through my veins, but the kind that made me want to jump him. My thighs pressed together tightly when we finally pulled away from the curb in front of my house.

“How was your day?” Ashton questioned tensely, his strong jawline clenching. 

“It was okay. There’s only one thing that could make it better.” Ashton’s eyebrow quirked, the dimples on his cheeks threatening to appear, but he kept his eyes on the road.

“What’s that, buttercup?” He asked lowly as I leaned in and got close to his ear.

“Ice cream.” I laughed and flopped back in my seat, my left foot going up to rest on the dashboard. 

“That was cruel.” He finally responded, pulling into his spot in front of their moderately nice building and unlocking the car so I could get out.

Ashton unlocked the door to the apartment and as I turned to shut the door, I was trapped against it, his hot breath fanning my face. His knee was between my thighs, pressing against my core again. I wanted so desperately to grind down but I couldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“Do you want me as much as I want you?” He whispered, his arm curling around my waist, pulling me down to his thigh.

“Hm…” I trailed off, the tips of my fingers dancing along his skin up to his stubbly jawline. I pulled some of his blonde curls from the top of his head between the tips of my fingers, tugging ever so gently. He groaned at my actions, pulling me even closer than I thought possible.

“Please.” He whined, sounding so desperate, my short hair fisted in his long fingers. I happily obliged, reaching forward, our lips pressing together in the middle feverishly. Once again, a fire ignited between us and I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t stand the pressure of his soft lips against mine and my knees began to buckle. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he was an amazing kisser or if there was something deeper, chemical, between us. He was just 21 and I was just 18, what were the odds that he was the “one” for me?

“Anna. I can’t take this. I have to have you.” My memory of Dean saying those words flashed through my brain. My body seized up and I pushed Ashton away from me. My lungs were desperate for air, it’s like as hard as I breathed, air wouldn’t enter them. Wheezing, I found my way outside into the fresh air, gulping down enormous breaths.

“Anna? How can I help?” Ashton came to my side and one hand began to stroke my hair to one side, his other hand rubbing my back soothingly. I didn’t respond and he understood, simply repeating his actions until my breathing steadied.

“I’m sorry.” Shame filled me up inside, and tears began to well in my eyes, threatening to spill over.

“Let it out. Cry.” Somehow I was inside his apartment, in his room where I had never been before. Pairs of black boxers and dirty band t-shirts littered the floor. His walls were dark grey and he actually had a bed frame as opposed to Dean who had a mattress lying on the floor. By then my tears had forgotten their shame and exposed themselves and all I could do was sob into Ashton’s sweaty shirt. 

“You smell salty.” I muttered.

“That’s what you get when you work outside in the sun for three hours, buttercup.” He rubbed my back and my sobs turned into almost maniacal laughter.

“I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” He eased back into his backboard, pulling me with him. We slid down gently and our hands entwined into a braid of fingers. 

“Falling apart. Pushing you away.” I stared at our fingers as we lie there, souls dancing together, chests rising and falling in perfect synchronicity. 

“Why did you push me away?” He asked gently.

“You said, ‘I have to have you’, which was something that Dean said to me before you had to pull him off of me that one time.” His grip around me tightened protectively and I pressed myself to him instinctively. 

“What a dick. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to trigger you.”

“It’s not your fault.” I laughed it off. I was Dean’s girlfriend, I wasn’t really in a position to refuse him. I was practically Dean’s property in this exchange as much as it sickened me to think about it. He made sure that Claire stayed safe and secret and I couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t attractive. I wasn’t sure why I was doing this with Ashton. He was no more attractive than Dean. The only reason I could procure was that I liked who Ashton was better than who Dean was. But I was asking for it. I let him make out with me. I never said no. It was my fault that I freaked out with Ashton, who had never done anything to me. I never said no to either of them.

“It’s not yours either.” He countered, stilling for a fraction of a second before resuming his thumb’s circular pattern of caressing my hand and holding me close to him.

“It’s my fear.”

“You didn’t cause that, Anna. That was all Dean. You weren’t asking for it.” And for the first time, I actually believed it.


End file.
